Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
