im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
