we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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