Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
