I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
