Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
