I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
