she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
