Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
