Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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