Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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