so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
