I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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