You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
