Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
