So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
