Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
