then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
