I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Randomize
