so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
