Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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