I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
