Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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