Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
