I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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