If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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