I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
