i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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