I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
