Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
