I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
