If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
