If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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