May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just invented taco cereal.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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