I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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