As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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