yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
