she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
