Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
