i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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