Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
