Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
