i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
