All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
