Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Randomize
