but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
