why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize
