Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
