I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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