I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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