Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
